When my brother Bryan was younger, he used to catch insects and stick them in a jar. He would throw some grass and dirt in there and maybe some pieces of food that may have fallen to the ground. One particular time I remember he caught this butterfly; little yellow thing, nothing real big or too fancy. My brother prepared its glass “home” as he had done for the others and to top it off he poked holes in the lid of the jar… (sigh). Ok so, back in the day, that was reasonable… I mean it was out of complete compassion and consideration for the insect’s well-being that he even took the extra measure to poke the holes to begin with (I really am going somewhere with this so stay with me…) Needless to say, the butterfly probably didn’t make it a good 24 hours which was extremely devastating to me but I think once it was confirmed that the poor little guy had flapped it’s wings for the last time, my brother took that as a green light to donate it’s frail remains to the scientific experiment of his choice (smh).
I suppose you are wondering what this little intro has to do with anything whatsoever and I’m about to enlighten you. Well, very recently I was sitting at a desk, in an office building, inside of a cubicle, doing oh…some typical “office temp work.” After I completed some very basic and minor tasks for the day, I began to get a little fidgety as I turned into a classic case of a clock watcher for the remainder of my 8 hour “sentence”(8.5 if you count lunch.)
So just to rewind a bit and give you some history, I had become a little bit used to dictating my own schedule as I had once again been tossed into the throws of unemployment and rescued by the life raft of entrepreneurship and freelance work. My almost 2-year stint as a work-at-home/run my own shots/spend hours in the gym-inthebestshapeofmylife/freelancer had me a bit spoiled in a sense. So spoiled that I actually went into a bit of shell-shock (or cocoon shock, just to keep it consistent with the whole butterfly theme) once returning to work full-time.
So here I sat, at a desk with a bunch of pencils, paper, folders, files and nothing really left to do once I completed the tasks that were assigned. My natural inclination was to simply occupy the time by doing some other freelance assignments (as I would have done at home) but then I quickly realized that these folks who now owned my time for these 8.5 hours a day, wouldn’t really appreciate that too much. So what I had to do, was master the art of creating the illusion that I was actually working. See, I couldn’t do any of my own writing, researching or reading but as long as I pulled off the façade of doing “work” work… it was all good. I gotta tell you that this was probably the most exhausting thing about being back in the 9-5 saddle “jar.” I could sit there for hours and re-sharpen the same pencil over and over again but I couldn’t dare go to Google and research for one of my numerous articles or blog posts that I desired to finish. I could sit there and pretend like I’m looking at the outlook Calendar but I dare not crack open my bible study notes or meditation scriptures. And once I verbalize that I’m open, eager and willing to do any tasks that would help to suck up the time, the only solitary task that could be found is to pull staples from a million packets of paper???… Father help!
One day, I just started thinking about how that butterfly felt in that jar. I imagined that what I felt at that very moment was exactly like the butterfly trapped in that tightly concealed space. To have wings to fly, but “captured” in a jar and unable to move beyond the boundaries that have been created by someone else. To have the ability to move through space and air, effortlessly and freely, co-mingling with other butterflies and insects but now confined to the density of an enclosed space with very little mingling with others unless they happen to be inside the same jar. To have beautiful wings that were meant to fly possibly around the globe but to be isolated in one space, one location for an indefinite period of time. To be forced to eat a diet of mundane mediocrity when you once had the fruit of life at your wing tips. To have the whole world under your wings but now only seeing it through a glass jar… only able to breathe in that little bit of air at a time through those three tiny holes (there’s your lunch and two 15 minute breaks.)
Well, I tell you what though… I’m grateful to God for positioning me in a place where I can become more motivated than ever to pursue His divine path for my life. I am trusting in Him like never before to open uncommon doors that my destiny might be fulfilled and in the interim I’m learning how to be grateful, how to be patient and how to still be “me” regardless of where I am positioned. I’m increasing my faith, realizing that this “jar” is only temporary but necessary for God to fulfill His purpose. I am leaning to God’s word and believing that my gift will make room for me. And finally, I am embracing not only my own creativity but I’m appreciative of those who aren’t like me at all. Not everyone feels like the butterfly in the jar with the 3 holes in the lid and some people truly love their corporate office “jars” and that is A.OK by me!
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